I fall in and out of love so easily. But this one is different. Where I met him. Who he is. His confidence. Hes everything I need in my life. I think I actually fell though. Hes 21. Gorgeous. Artsy. Going to be an architect. Interesting. Nice. Cocky. Independent. Car. Apartment. Nice Shoes. JESUS. Hes like an actual good person, ahhhhh I dont want to fuck this one up. I just dont know proper protocol for something like this. Eeeeeeeeeeeee Im all excited and happy and cant even believe any of this. I met him at a shuttle stop, on a dark, cold, evil night and he made it so warm and bright. He wrapped me up in his arms to keep me warm and I just curled up into him. He was a complete stranger and I felt so safe. So so so safe.
Im trying. I really am. And Im very proud of my progress. Last night could have gone in so many different directions and I made all the right choices :) Now time to get off my fat ass and go to the gym. Im so overweight. Its a bit frightening, Ive been so impulsive lately. Last night I ate two snack wraps, a shamrock shake, half a cheeseburger, and 2 chicken nuggets. HAHAHHAHAH WTTTTTTTF. Im a scary bitch. Did you know I can eat a whole pizza? Isnt that kinda cool though? That Im not obese and can eat and drink more than grown men lol I guess thats actually just fucked up.
“When you decide to be something, you can be it. That’s what they don’t tell you in the church. When I was your age they would say we can become cops, or criminals. Today, what I’m saying to you is this: when you’re facing a loaded gun, what’s the difference?”—Frank Costello (via nukenukem)
Went to a meditation today and got so lost in myself. It was soo beautiful. I couldn’t even move my body. Just focus on my mind and the third eye. And when I was deep inside myself I realized a new saying “Forgive youself and move on” which works so well for me. I was thinking about all the fucked up things Ive done to people and myself and my latest actions. And theres nothing I can do so might as well forgive myself. Pretty fucking awesome. Oh and I also kept drifting back to a memory of me floating in my grandparents pool and how wonderful and happy I was. And lately Ive been trying to decide whether or not to go to Florida over break and visit them, and in that moment I realized YES that is exactly what I need. So the second I left I called my mom and told her to buy tickets. Such a wonderful meditation with some fruity people. Ha lovely
Have been avoiding tumblr because I know I need to write about my weekend and I cant. It was just soooo outrageous that I cant even begin to explain. Couple tidbits to disturb you: 1. Im officially a homewrecker, by mistake of course. (And I hooked up with his brother previously) 2. I don’t think I could feel my body for approximately 3 days due to excessive drug use. 3. While coming down at 4 in the morning I had a quick conversation with Jesus. 4. IT WAS SO GOOD IT WAS BAD