I am very curious why he denied me last night. I have developed three theories in this sleep deprived and hungover state. The first is that it was because I was with Sara and she has a boyfriend so it would be weird because she wouldn’t hook up with his friends. This theory is weak but still. Okay the second is because he was with that gorgeous hispanic girl that I know he fucks or whatever. Although side note Sara thinks she is ugly and has a mole (lol) but I think she is so pretty (ugh). The third is very simple, he does not like me. Does not mean it when he says he wants to hang out Thursday and thinks I am ugly. Sucks but it is highly likely. BUT this changes everything. You think you can act all tough, you don’t even go out! I took you out to a party and worked my ass off to get you in! So naaaaaah bro. I’m completely done. Like whatever there are so many other better options (not really but Ill act tough for this tumblr post lol). But anyways for real that door just closed. I was basically throwing myself out there and I never do that. So not anymore fuck you fuck you fuck you. :)
It is frustrating that I miss my brothers best friend who I hateeeeee. I dreamt about him two night ago and I was so surprised with myself. He’s interesting though, he’s such a pothead and so we have thee deep conversations. We always always fight and that is kind of refreshing because no one really fights with me or maybe I dont fight with others. And so we bicker and bicker and I call him mean names and he makes fun of me for being young, inexperienced, everything you can possibly make fun of me before. And I like it. I dont know. Im probably losing my mind because I havent been with a guy I really like in a while but jeez I want this kid. And I know even if I went home today, we would smoke in the shed and just fight but nothing would happen. But maybe thats what I want. A guy I know that I know wont do anything with me, cant try anything because Doug would probably kill him ( maybe I dont know, Ive always wondered what Doug would think) Well gotta go eat :) Ill talk about S later
Im so bored and drunk. BUT REALLY WHY I SUCH A FOOL. And why the fuck did I end up alone last night….there were so many possibilities?!!? And here I am confused (becasue of course i blacked out FUCK) about what went on last night. Like I know I am so dumb andnthink people love me specifically C (hahahah a new C ) and he didnt love me at all…in fact he may have hated me and instead I texted him saying “hang out with me tomorrooooww” AM I REAL PERSON? Like why would I initate that, he obviously doesnt anna hangout, he wants to watch football or whatever. Well anyways hiding in my room all day EEEEEEK
Last night was kinda interesting. I still have a crush but I think it is less likely to happen. I just want to find someone to fuck. <Sorry if that was crude but its true. Im not really looking for a boyrfriend. I mean WHY WOULD I WANT DAT….but I just need someone someone someone. And the someone I have in mind might or might not have a girl. I dont know everything is so vague from last night and I know once again I made a fucking fool of myself. Ive been so good lately and I ruined it last night :/ Wahhh
I’m jumpy, shaky, that excitement pumping through my veins. A crush, I have a crush. And Ive only spoken to him once for one minute. But Im hanging out with him tonight and Im so jumpy. Its like an instant energy boost, everything is heightened. I want to shower and do laundry and get this shit going. Hm I wonder where this is going…
I think college is too much for me. Im trying to be strong but like AH I really cant get my shit together. I just want to hide in my room and never talk to anyone and yet I cant do that because Im surrounded by fucking people and people I dont give a shit about.