Legit God is with me…..the one boy I have had a crush on in the snack bar for the pst two weeks came to my party tonight..it was so random and I was soooo excited. Hes sooo cute ah. And we flirted and had such a good night the entire time and then we exchanged numbers and he said I was cute and he coudltn have been nicer. Then he asks me on a motherfucking date like OMG no one does that. Like he asked me to go to dinner tomorrow and we have never even kissed like WHAT omg you instantly get to do whatever you want to me (HAHA jk no but not really) and it was just the best night. And for the first night in 3 weeks I ended up even in poker with T. And me and my bff A bonded so much. I have missed her so much and now we are back and better then ever, crying and laughing and having the Summer of our lives together. Its just a wonderful life right now. Its nice to get away from the scene Ive been in lately. Break free and find myself somewhere new. I like it. And college is going to be even newer but we wont even go there..not yet :)
Back to being depressed. Lets see…I hate food, being fat, money, food, money, spending too much money, boys that get mad at you if you dont want to come over, boys, girls, people in general, my pillow because it hurts my neck, my stomach because it hurts, cancelled parties, drinking, this awful feeling, C, wait < last ones not true, and finally I HATE today HAHA good list
I have never been as mad at myself than for the fact that I blacked the fuck out last night. Its really annoying because I was with all my older brothers friends and Im not sure which ones I hooked up with and thats making me feel very uncomfortable. But it is too late now! So on to the good stuff lol..here is a list of shit I need to buy! To remind myself for tomorrow… 1. HEELS..I want new wedges and shoes shoes shoes. I lost my favorite black heels last night. And my dress…FML 2. A dress. I need something to wear for Brendos 3. Nail polish….not really but like kinda 4. Toothpaste! hahha this is such an interesting post 5. “Blast” those colt 45 drinks that kid was drinking tonight 6. Candy from Five below…lolol no but really 7. More underwearrrrr! Im getting bored of these colors 8. A black necklace, I needed a necklace tonight hmmm
“I’ve never been lonely. I’ve been in a room — I’ve felt suicidal. I’ve been depressed. I’ve felt awful — awful beyond all — but I never felt that one other person could enter that room and cure what was bothering me…or that any number of people could enter that room. In other words, loneliness is something I’ve never been bothered with because I’ve always had this terrible itch for solitude. It’s being at a party, or at a stadium full of people cheering for something, that I might feel loneliness. I’ll quote Ibsen, “The strongest men are the most alone.” I’ve never thought, “Well, some beautiful blonde will come in here and give me a fuck-job, rub my balls, and I’ll feel good.” No, that won’t help. You know the typical crowd, “Wow, it’s Friday night, what are you going to do? Just sit there?” Well, yeah. Because there’s nothing out there. It’s stupidity. Stupid people mingling with stupid people. Let them stupidify themselves. I’ve never been bothered with the need to rush out into the night. I hid in bars, because I didn’t want to hide in factories. That’s all. Sorry for all the millions, but I’ve never been lonely. I like myself. I’m the best form of entertainment I have. Let’s drink more wine!”—Charles Bukowski (via atomos)
It has been a loooooooooong time since Ive woken up to vomit next to me. I still cant believe me and Tim tore into the Jack Daniels at 4 in the morning…no wonder. And I kept doing shots of beer…and I was already drunk?!!?! Im so dumb. But I love late night poker with Tim even if I suck. Its still amusing. I cant rememebr how much I lost but I remember having like 40 on the table. And then I had more next to me. I cant remember of course. My memory is so shot. Icant remember anything anymore. Except I woke up at 3 in the afternoon today and my parents are going to be pissed. I should reaaaally take a night off!!!! But I already know of a party for tonight?!?!?! FUCK ME I just want to sleep and read and eat real food. Ive had one real meal and one that I threw up in the past two and a half days. Thats so sad. And I usually eat so much. Alcohol is consuming me. Dayuuuum I need to go to AA…with the crew and Fico LOLOL going to clean up the throw up. I offered twenty dollars but no one will do it UGH
Reasons I cant wait for college: 1. People wont ask me to have parties anymore. Nor will I feel pressure to have them. 2. I can eat and not eat whenever I want. And its free. 3. I have no curfew. Not that I really do now. 4. There will always be people around. (Although that could get bad) 5. I can fuck in my bed (HA So inapropriate and whore-ish but I couldnt help it. Its actually kind of a joke though) 6. I GET TO MEET NEW PEOPLE. Different people. Im sick of skinny rich white people. (I guess I want to meet a fat poor black person? HAHA this is also humorous) 7. I dont have to work. (Not that I actually have a legitimate job now) 8. I get to take siiiiick classes. I cant wait for Greek Mythology. And film. Thats soo cool. 9. And the parties. Of course the parties. I am PK of course Im excited for drinking and drugs and dancing and new guys and all that.
Next time Ill make a list of why Im not…but maybe I shouldnt even bother with that.
“We don’t want anymore Dobbies, do we? We can’t order them to die for us -“
There was a clatter as the basilisk fangs cascaded out of Hermione’s arms. Running at Ron, she flung them around his neck and kissed him full on the mouth. Ron threw away the fangs and broomstick he was holding and…