Everything is better in the sun. Today I was in a bathing suit, smoking a bubbler, eating ice cream cake, taking drags off marlboros, and hanging out with my best friend in the world. No one is more real than her. I can’t wait to get my fake ID so we can go out to bars. It would be so fun with her, she’s so sweet and laughs so easily. She deserves a fun night out.
Its 5:30 in the fucking morning and I just want to sleeep. But I feel so dumb dumb dumb. You know what? Im over him. I really don’t care about caring anymore…..this is ridicolous. And I think I by accidentally texted his mom tonight? And thats so weird. And I just want to go to fucking Bagel Masters but who will I go with? Dougs going to fucking Bermuda and I hate all my friends right now. Great. Lovely.
Just throwing throwing this out there ….my “friend” tried to get with the guy I have been hooking up with for 2 months on MY BIRTHDAY AT MY PARTY. Are you kidding me? I am so over girls. Guys are so much more real and it is so frustrating.
Its hard for me to understand myself. I know that sounds stupid but it is true. A couple of days ago I saw this really nice girl from my english class out at a store. We were making small talk and chatting about our “Philosophy of Life” papers which are due in a week. For the paper we have to write about ourselves and our views on the world. This random girl said something that really stuck with me, she goes “Well it can’t be that hard to write, there is no one we know better than ourselves.” And for some reason I’ve been thinking about that quote frequently over these past few days. I feel like I know myself but I just don’t understand myself. I know what I do and when I do it but WHY? Why do I choose to do make certain decisions? It is hard for me to grasp the concept of what I am really doing in this world. I’m going to be 18 tomorrow and I think that I should know myself by now…right? Maybe.