I went to tweet before but then realized that even moooore people would be judging me then tumblr so yea…..I became good friends with HIS girlfriend today. Like I actually genuinely like her as a person and want to become good friends with her. We exchanged numbers, planned to drink together. We laughed and had a good time and Id be totally thrilled to chill with her.I mean she still thinks she hot shit and cooler and older which yea yea she is. Shes gorgeous, same major as him, cool, nice, everything I am not. Kind of, actually thats false, I thought we were pretty similar. And yet Im sitting there eating lunch with her after she sooo sweetly invites me to sit there and the entire fucking time Im thinking HOLY SHIT I HOOKED UP WITH YOUR BOYFRIEND LAST WEEK……and not just once. Like shes sitting there wearing his sweat shirt, so in love with him and honestly I felt kind of bad. For the first time ever it hit me like fuuuuck she obviously really likes him and he obviously really likes her and Im sitting there like the stupid slutty freshman and it dawns on me. FUCK THIS KID. He can do that to such a pretty sweet girl like her? And he can lead me on when hes with her? Like nahhh bro I will from now on use him as a party source/apartment owner, but other than that were done. It really really made me realize how stupid Im being. I am so so so much better than that. So much. Im classy. I can be. Im not the other woman and he is not the fucking “Prince” he is actually as she calls him a “Princess” haha fuck you dude. Im done. Im happy it finally solved my mysterious love feelings. Love is bullshit. Love fades as quickly as you see his last name on the back of her sweatshirt. As quickly as he pushes you to the ground. As quickly as you cry in the shuttle stop. That quick. Poof.
Why does everything feel so much more dramatic when Im drunk? Why do I act as if am in love with certain people? He called me a drama queen hahah FUCK he is right. I was being so dramatic. But he really does send mixed signals and act so weird. Why do I keep acting as if we can be friends when I want so much more? Its so confusing and strange and I keep trying to get myself to stop feeling anything but its harder than it seems. But isnt that always the case? I mean for how many months did I feel the rush of seeing my “ex” car around town and when he was at parties with me. Like come on this is not the end of me. I got over all the others. Put the wall up and call it a day.
i cant even breathe righ now wihout tears. i havent wanted someone so bad evvvvvvvvvvver. its fucking awful. i hate myself for getting attached because i swear to you i never do this. i dont do this because i know how pointeless it is but fucking damn i like him. we just hit it off from the beginning adnt then its an ednless cycle of him treating me like shit. damn im sick of being treaed like shit. like wtf. why do guys hate me adn want to beat me up hysically and emotionally. shit im drunk or i would never say this. but fuck m crying now still eating microwavable mac n hceese thinking about how much shit i deal with.
Anxiety for tonight. For this entire four days of partying. Its making me nervous. I dont know what to expect and Im nervous. Costumes ugly. Im ugly. Im fat. Same ol same ol. But still I actually feel sick, I dont know what it is. Honestly I think I need to crack open the wine and get my own personal party started to calm my nerves. And also it blows how stupid Jon is here so I cant even get ready well. FUCKER
64909.) I'm going home this weekend to see my family and to have sex:)
Thats why I thought I was going home this weekend but apparently my brother throws me to the ground and is a compete asshole and fucks up my party. And then Im depressed do I dont enjoy my other family members. And then the boy doesnt want me. Errrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrgh and Im just a washed up sketchball. Time to go to college and find myself in my cute little dorm room, drawing and coloring, and watching Nickelodeon with Sara.
64739.) Okay, so I'm not "popular", I don't go to house parties and drink, I'm totally straight edge and a virgin. What's wrong with that?
Awwwwwwwwwwwww I wanna be innocent again. I want to have a low tolerance for alcohol and honestly wish I never did any drugs. Meh so strange, I have one bad night and try to act as if I could ever be a fucking straight edge virgin haha what a joke.
He;s using me. But FUCK I want to be used so bad. I can’t help it. Just use me, treat me like shit, let me buy you everything, fuck me, and then fuck three other girls. I dont even care anymore. I just want you.
Last night was such a fun night. It just felt good to go out and really let myself fucking go. Ive been trying to be kinda good but last night I just let everything go. I dabbled with this and that ;) and it felt soo good. I was so happy to have such a fucking fun night. Tyler the Creator was goood, I mean not the best concert ever but it was goood way to start the night and just go crazy. Then we went to El Punto, this siiick club. It was amazing. I just danced and danced all night. Then back to the apartment. And Im with my lover boy all night. God I cant fucking help but love him. And were so real with eachother. Like he goes to fuck some other girl at the end of the night and I dont even care. I mean I do care but its nice that its real. Like I told him, just be real with me. Fuck whoever you want but dont lie about it. Like Im not falling in love with you, I just want to have fun. And he feels the same. So its like you do you and ima do me fooo. Haha I mean of course Im head over heels but whatever Ill try to ignore those emotions hhhhhaaaa fuck. But anyways it was just a fucking perfecto night. Nuts nuts nuts drugs, alcohol, glitter, sweat, grape vodka, vodka, sweat, sweat, boy, boy, black boy, cigs, mmmmmmm, shots, on stage, tit out oops, curly hair, black eyes, sweat, my brother, bestest friend, chili, HHAHAH